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Jan 28, 2007
Our parts are working, for now

Ok, we’re in Tulsa now, after a LONG haul from Boulder Book Store, whose motto is “Keep Boulder Weird”—we got t-shirts and caps for BoPeep and Smitty. Spent a glorious night in the parking lot of the Barnes & Noble!  I got to actually cook supper and eat it and everything—with all our bump-outs bumped out.  And after dancing—literally—in the living area, we did feel a wee bit decadent.  Ever’thang’s relative, I reckon.

Before the Tulsa event, “to make a statement about y’all being here,” Jeff and folks at the B&N had us park ON the SIDEWALK right in front of the door. And I thought we couldn’t get closer to a store than we did at Big Hat Books in Indianapolis…but, I was WRONG! We’re not IN the Fire Lane, we’re INSIDE it!  I’ll let y’all know if anyone at this signing misses seeing My Ride.

We’re fresh off GREAT events at Wordsworth in Little Rock—thanks Queen Missy Ann Caldwell of the “BooDoo Queens” of Bloomyshade for the BIG ASS flower arrangement—and Watermark Books in Wichita, Tattered Cover in Denver and Boulder Books.  OK, “fresh” might not be accurate. At any rate, we out here and wish y’all would join us!  We’ve got a million more miles and about that many more signings to go before the 25th Anniversary Parade! So, if I don’t see you on the road, I’ll see you in Jackson!

All our parts appear to be working presently. ALTHOUGH, we did run out of water that one day and I had to bathe with moist towelettes causing me to walk around in a cloud of “delicious fruity fragrance” all day.  But hey—beats bein’ funky any day… at least in my opinion.

Sostie has continued to wow the crowds at the bookstores—and The Cutest Boy in the World is ever popular as well.  Sure making MY job easier!  I don’t have to be half as entertaining with them around!  At an early morning radio appearance in Denver, Sostie discovered RABBITS.  Ain’t never seed one before that we know about and she found ‘em quite intriguing—so off she and Kyle go, running rabbits through the streets of Denver.  She finally ran off into a snow bank that was over her head and he had to carry her out—so they both returned to the Big Ass Bus grinning and soaking wet.  Kids.  Gotta love ‘em.

The Fabulous Kibble Queens came out and brought the gorgeous Hudson—their latest service-dog-in-training.  He and Sostie fell instantly in love—it was sad to part them.  Sostie is in heaven with her prezzies from the Kibbles—photos in the gallery!

If I am not mistaken, Kyle has also taken and posted photos of me, in the Big Ass Bus front seat with my big, giant green Queen blanket that Queen Moana Va-voom made for me awhile back. Thank God he didn’t post the photos he’d taken earlier of me sleeping, drool and all.  It is the ONLY thing saving me from freezing to death while we drive—the Driver being hot-natured and all….

Thanks to Queen Rachelle for whipping EVERYBODY up into a fever pitch at Tattered Cover.  I expect to see her and all her cohorts in Jackson in a few weeks.  Just no substitute for Unbridled Enthusiasm! You’ll know who she is by the photos in the Gallery.

Wow—two-a-day’s are something!  Just did the Tulsa event at Barnes & Noble—lemme tell you what, there is a PASSEL of Queens in Tulsa and I think I met ‘em ALL!  Got to see my dear old friend Miss Ruby—what a surprise!  And Queen Judy brung me a still-warm Apple Dump cake and was rewarded for her Good Behavior.  Her fellow Queens got rewarded too—and I hope she makes them suck up to her for it—no real worries on that score, she seemed to have them pretty well under control.

We broke some kind of land (and prolly a little air) speed record getting from Tulsa to OK City—but we won’t talk about that in case Kyle’s Mama is reading this.  Suffice it to say, we did make it in time to The Most Beautiful Bookstore in the World: Full Circle Books.  I swear, for book lovers, it’s worth a trip to Oklahoma JUST to SEE this bookstore—truly amazing.  Had a large time with the Queens there and hit the road for Dallas.

Am sitting in our rest-stop-home-for-the-night typing this, as Kyle bustles around, tidying up—it’s IS so nice to have a man around the house!

Did I mention that the Lexington Red Velvet Cake was better than Allen Payne’s MOTHER’S version?  I know that is nearly blasphemy to say, but danged if it ain’t so.  That was, without exception, THE very best Red Velvet Cake EVER in the history of the EN-tire world, living or dead.  And what is the DEAL with this FRENCH POT ice cream?  I don’t know what that means other than some kind of evil-good ice cream!

Whenever things threaten to veer off into the Testy Department, I put one of these post-its on Kyle’s seat that says, “ALL TEMPER TANTRUMS ARE SUBJECT TO PRIOR APPROVAL” and wave the can of ANTI-MONKEY BUTT POWDER at him—works like a charm, every time!

We WILL be bringing the Big Ass Bus to DEECEE—Politics and Prose—after all—and USATODAY will be aboard—so all you Queens within driving and/or flying distance of Washington need to be dragging out the Regalia for this one!  I’m talkin’ NATIONAL PHOTO OPS, hunnies!

Made the startling and not particularly happy discovery that it is possible to unintentionally give onesownself a wedgie.  This can occur when one is attempting to pee in Kyle’s tiny front potty (my Queen-sized one is in the back ) of a Big Ass Bus that is roaring down the Interstate under the guidance of a guy who cannot believe he’s found a semi-flat road with a 75-mph speed limit and is Plenty Happy About It.  All was well and mission accomplished—under some fairly harsh and bumpy circumstances—until the drawing up of the drawers was attempted whereupon the clasp on a bracelet became firmly entwined with the elastic of the center BACK of the waistband of said drawers.

You can, I’m sure, visualize the contorted dance taking place in the confined space—one that yielded zero results—unless you count snagging the elastic in several MORE spots and yanking the drawers up what one WOULD have thought Impossibly Far as “results.”  You can further imagine, I’m sure, the contorted dance down the center of the hurtling, careening Big Ass Bus with one’s drawers in what can only be described as a “Wad”—of Epic Proportions.

The crazed Big Ass Bus Driver was forced to pull over to the side of the road—first to quit laughing—and then to perform emergency rectal surgery to retrieve the offending garment from its Too High Perch and unsnag all the snags.  We prolly lost a good half hour on this maneuver, what with all the (totally one-sided ) hilarity and all.  The Driver thought it well worth it. 

We just took Big Showers and prolly drained the tank again so we’ve pretty quick got to find a Source—for either water or more moist towelettes!  On to Big D!


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