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Jan 5, 2007
Big Ass Tour - Day 1 ... well, Day 2, actually

Ok, y’all—here’s how the Big Ass Bus Tour’s going SO FAR!  We started out at Lemuria in Jackson—as always and it was swell, as always.  We stopped in downstairs at Broadstreet for some road sammiches and all SEEMED well…(Don’t ya just hate those …’s?  You KNOW it means Bad News!)

It was raining sideways when we got on the Big Ass Bus and The Cutest Boy in the World took the 3-legged dawg out for one more pee-break while I changed into sweats.  Fairly well soaked, he came back in and changed into dry stuff and while drying his glasses—THEY BROKE—like, in TWO. 

But!  No problem!  Having (in true Kyle obsessive style) anticipated just such a disaster, he whipped out his BRAND NEW SPARE PAIR—and…(those again!)—WRONG PRESCRIPTION.  I kid you not.  Totally wrong—he could not see a thing.

But!  No problem!  Puts on his contacts and shifts into drive—whereupon we hear TORRENTS of water falling INSIDE the Big Ass Bus.  We can’t see it—but it sounds like Niagra.  Another slight forward movement of the bus brought another gusher—this time cascading down ONTO KYLE. 

He figures out that something had jammed in one of the bump-outs on the side of the Big Ass Bus and was allowing the sideways rainfall to collect on top and slosh down on him and who knows what else.  So, out he goes—in the sideways rain—to fix it—which he does.  DO NOT EVER DISCOUNT THE VALUE OF HAVING A MAN WHO CAN FIX THINGS!

We have now been trying to get out of the Lemuria parking lot for over an hour, we’ve been through 3 different vision aids and 3 sets of dry clothes—and we’re still in the same spot!  When I told him it was gonna be a “long 45 days” I really had no idea just HOW long.

We made it to Montgomery, Alabama, at 2 in the A.M.—I had to get up for teevee at 5, also in the A.M.  After getting up, making-up and Queening-up in time for a 6 A.M. appearance—we were told at the side door of the teevee station that there was a TORNADO WARNING and they had to cancel our segment in favor of the constant Doppler radar—which teevee weather people treat like it’s got a PLOT!

Decided we should go on and drive to the next teevee station—even though my appearance wasn’t until noon.  Thought, if the weather was gonna be sucking all day, it’d be better to navigate in the Big Ass Bus with no traffic.  But when we got to the next station, we saw that their parking lot was WAAAAY too small for the Big Ass Bus.  However, the parking lot for the music store next door seemed quite spacious—so we just MUDDED right on over to it and parked our asses at the back!

I left a message on the music store’s voice mail ‘splainin’ that we’d had a “weather emergency” and were forced to take refuge in their parking lot—sorry! 

Put Kyle to BED and did a couple of radio interviews—in my hot pank bathrobe in the front seat of the bus.  As soon as it was regular working hours, I tracked down Kyle’s glasses prescription—with the precious darlin’ Dr. Richard Pharr and the Intrepid and Very Cute Kim—and got hold of my new best friend JOE at Lenscrafters here in Montgomery.

After the noon teevee show, we hotfooted it over to see Joe who not only fixed Kyle right up in the RIGHT prescription, he also suggested that, while we waited on the glasses, we run over to SMOKEY BONES and have some baby backs—which we did and boy, were we ever happy about THAT! 

We were so happy with Joe and them ribs—we took HIM a slab back with us when we returned.  There was a regular love fest at Lenscrafters, I can tell you.

Went by Capitol Book and News, visited with the Upchurches and parked the Big Ass Bus right in front.  The signing is tomorrow at noon—and we plan to SLEEP until 11:55!

We’re off to Birmingham for a 6 p.m. signing and then on to Atlanta to begin the week.

I am just SOOOO HAPPY I wasn’t stuck in the Atlanta airport for all this bad weather—much rather be stuck in the Big Ass Bus with the Cutest Boy in the World and my 3-legged dawg!!  Does NOT suck!

Continue Being Particular--jillconnerbrowneTHEsweetpotatoqueen

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